Amazing

Q. What's more amazing than a talking dog?

A. A spelling bee! 😃

Sick

Q. What do you give a sick bird?

A. Tweetment! 😃

IRS

Q. Why does the IRS audit gardeners and arborist?

A. For shady deals! 😜

Horses

Q. What do horses say when they are finished eating?

A. That was the last straw!  😂

Plumbers

Q. What do plumbers say in the library?

A. Pipe down!  😂

Whale

Q. What do you call a baby whale?

A. A little squirt! 😂

Kangraroo

Q. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?

A. He got too jumpy!  😂

Car

Q. Why did the car have a stomach ache?

A. It had too much gas! 😃

Knife

Q. What did one knife say to the other?

A. You're looking sharp today!  😃

Weather

Q. When does it rain money?

A. When there is "change" in the weather.  😃

Shark

Q. What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?

A. Frostbite 😃

Pessimist

Q. Why should you borrow money from a pessimist?

A. Because he never expects to get it back.  😃

Caveman

Q. What did the caveman order at the cafeteria?

A. A club sandwich!  😃

Money

Q. What is the easiest way to double your money?

A. Fold it in half.  😃

Two Things

Q. What two things can't you have for breakfast?

A. Lunch and Dinner 😃

Egg

Q. How did the egg cross the road?

A. It scrambled 😃

Bowl

Q. What do you call a cat who likes to bowl?

A. An alley cat! 😂

Pie

Q. Why did the pie go to the dentist?

A. Because it needed a filling. 😂

Computer

Q. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A.  Because it thought it had a terminal illness. 😂

Secret

Q. Why can't you tell a pig a secret?

A. Because he's a squealer!  😂

Soup

Q. How do you turn soup into gold?

A. Add 24 carats!  😃

Pancakes

Q. What do you call a person who can't flip pancakes?

A. A flip-flop! 😂

Market

Q. What kind of market do dogs hate?

A. Flea Markets! 😃

Cap & Gown

Q. Why did the dog wear a cap and gown?

A. He was picking up his Master's degree!  😃

Directions

Q. Why don't birds follow directions?

A. They like to wing it!  😂

Snowman

Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?

A. In a snow bank! 😃

Race

Q. Why did the grape lose the race?

A. He ran out of juice! 😂

Balloons

Q. What kind of music is scary for balloons?

A. Pop Music! 😃

Calm

Q. Why are doctors always calm?

A. Because they have a lot of patients. 😂

Diet

Q. What is a successful diet?

A. The triumph of mind over platter.  😃

Encyclopedia

Q. What do you call a boy with an Encyclopedia in his pocket?

A. Smarty Pants 😁