Flu

Q. How did the pig get over the flu?

A. He was cured!  😃

Pea

Q. What do you call an unhappy pea?

A. Grum-Pea 😃

Horse

Q. What's the hard thing about learning to ride a horse?

A. The ground!  😃

Rubber

Q. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

A. Roberto!  😃

Pirate

Q. What do you call a pirate who skips class?

A. Captain Hooky 😃

Divorce

Q. Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

A. He was driving her buggy! 😃

Chemist

Q. What kind of dog does a Chemist have?

A. A lab. 😃

Sleep

Teacher:  "You know you can't sleep in class."

Boy: "I know, but maybe if you were a little quieter, I could." 😃

Printer

Q. Why did the new printer get kicked out of school?

A. It Copied!  😃

Peanut Butter

Q. Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?

A. I'm not telling you, you might spread it.  😃

Restaurant

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

The food is great but there is just no atmosphere. 😃

Painters

Q. What do painters do when they get cold?

A. They put on another coat!  😃

Monkey

Q. What do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower?

A. Chimp--Pansy!  😃

Ant

Q. Why was the little ant confused?

A. Because all of his uncles were aunts. 😃

Planets

Q. What kind of songs do planets sing?

A. Nep-tunes! 😃

Belt

Q. Why did the belt get locked up?

A. It held up a pair of pants. 😃

Prune

Q. Why did the banana go out with the prune?

A. Because he couldn't find a date. 😃

Earring

Q. How much did the pirate pay for his earrings?

A. A buccaneer.  😃

Singer

Q. Who is Santa's favorite singer?

A. Elf-is Presley. 😃

Unluckiest

Q. What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?

A. Catastrophe!  😃

Two Ducks And A Cow

Q. What do you call two ducks and a cow?

A. Quackers and Milk. 😃

Court

Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court?

A. Odor in the court!  😃

Cow

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A. Beef Jerky! 😃

Veterinarian

Q. What do you call a Veterinarian with laryngitis?

A. A hoarse doctor.  😃

Apple

Q. What do you call an old apple?

A. Granny Smith. 😃

Caveman

Q. What did the caveman order for lunch?

A. A Club Sandwich!  😃

Ambulance

Q. What do you call two people in an ambulance?

A. A Pair Of Medics 😃

Tuna

Q. What did the tuna say when he posted bail?

A. I'm off the hook!  😃

Day

Q. What day of the week do eggs hate?

A. Fry Day!  😃

Kangaroo

Q. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?

A. He got too jumpy!  😃