Ball

I couldn't figure out why the ball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me! 😜

Boomerang

I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier.

I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually. 😜

Diet

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

A: A desserter.  😜

Dark Ages

Why were they called the Dark Ages?Because there were lots of knights. 😜

Tennis Player

Never marry a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them. 😜

Guitar

This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.

I said, "Is that a fret?" 😜

Pencil

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless! 😜

Procrastination

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

Fired

Why did the taxi driver get fired?  Passengers didn’t like it when he went the extra mile. 😜

Icy

Never stop doing your best just because someone doesn't give you credit. 

Quotes About Life

Birthday

Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

Try taking the candles off. 😜

Difference

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter. 😄

Thief

I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, all the signs were there. 😂

Irish

What did the leprechaun say on March 17?

“Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”

Photographer

Q. What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? 

A. A loose Canon 😄

Lone Ranger

What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage?To the dump, to the dump to the dump dump dump! 😜

What

Q. What has a head, a foot, and four legs?

A. A bed.  😃

Doctor

Q. Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A. It had a virus! 😄

Bank

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it. 😄

Race

A faucet, tomato and lettuce were in a race.

The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and

the tomato was trying to catch up. 😃

Clothing

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.  😄

What Is Hell?

Today's sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice. 😄