Race

Q. Why can't you take a nap during a race?

A. Because if you snooze, you lose! 😃

Grandma

Q. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?

A. Instagram 😃

Chef

Q. Why did the pastry chef hire a pitcher?

A. Because he knew how to handle the batter. 😃

Smog

Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA  😃

Golf

Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing. 😃

Sleep

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?  😄

Door

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize. 😃

Music

One windmill asked the other, "What kind of music do you like?"  The other answers, "I'm a big metal fan." 😃

Run

If you run in front of a car you'll get tired, but if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted. 😂

Watson

What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around?

Holmeless.

Car Dealership

Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet — miss a car payment. 😃

Cones

Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?

They always get a scoop. 😃

Sit

Q. Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t?

A. Your lap. 😃

Bed

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

You use spring water. 😃

Burial Plot

I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need. 😃

Fish

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?

A loan shark  😃

Stadium

Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game?

All the fans left! 😃

Elephant

Why didn't the elephant buy a suitcase for his summer vacation?

Because he already had a trunk! 😃

Happiness

They say, "Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal!” 😃

Poker

Q Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

A. Too many cheetahs.😃

Pig

Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon! 😃

Fish

Q. Why do fish like to eat worms?

A. Because they get hooked on them. 😃

Runners

"Runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."  😃

Parrot

What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon. 😃

Down

Q. How do you get down off an elephant?

A. You don’t! You get down off a goose! 😃

America

How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.  😃

Fish

Q:  Do fish go on vacation?

A: No, because they’re always in school! 😃

Players

Q: Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?

A: They would get called for traveling!  😃

Combine

Q:  What do you get when you combine an elephant with a fish?

A: Swimming trunks! 😃