Uniforms

Q: Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?

A: New Jersey. 😃

Pants

It’s never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. You’ll have trouble putting on your pants.  😃

Caterpillar

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful. 😃

Difference

How to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. One animal sees you later the other after a while.  😃

Kidnapping

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay. He woke up. 😃

Scarecrow

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.  😃

Difference

What is the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!" 😃

Fastest

Q. Who is the fastest runner of all time?
A.  Adam, because he came first in the human race!  😄

Math Teacher

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem." 😃

School Pictures

Those years of getting bad elementary school pictures were just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo. 😃

Almonds

For Halloween, we dressed up as almonds. Everyone could tell we were nuts. 😃

Dad

When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When it becomes fully groan. 😃

Desk

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. 😄

Funny Pick Up Line

Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection. 😃

Dance

What’s a vampire’s favorite dance?

The Fang Tango. 😃

Noodle

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An Impasta  😃

Tail

As I watched the dog chasing his tail I thought "Dogs are easily amused", then I realized I was watching the dog chasing his tail.

Hit

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.  😃

Forgot

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.  😄

Dressed

Q.What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

A. Attire.  😃

Cartoon

Before having a child ask yourself  "Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"  😃

Children

“Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.”  😃

Shoe

Why can’t you sell a shoe to a bear?

They prefer bear feet. 😃

Umbrella

Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?

There’s a chance of sprinkles. 😄

Mummies

Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?

They’re afraid to relax and unwind!  😃

Friends

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.  😃

Puppy

Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.  😃

Car

How many gorillas can fit into a car?   Eight.

How many chickens can fit into the car?
None, the car is already full of gorillas  😃