Fish

Q. What part of the fish weighs the most? 

A. The scales. 😜

Three Doctors

Three doctors said Bill was their brother. Bill said he had no brothers. Who was lying?

No one! The 3 doctors were his sisters. 😜

Too Small

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. 😜

Telepathically

I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me! 😜

Shortest

Q. Who was the shortest person in the Bible?

A. Knee high miah!  😜

Oysters

Why don't oysters like to share their pearls?

Because they are shellfish. 😜

31 Flavors

Someone broke into our shop and stole all 31 flavors of ice cream.

It was a Baskin-Robbery.  😜

Ghosts

Q. Where do ghosts like to boat on vacation?

A. Lake Eerie. 😜

Scientist Dog

Q. What does a scientist's dog do with bones?

 

A. Barium 😜

What Do You Get

Q. What do you get if you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a chihuahua?

A.  A hot, diggity dog

What Happens

Q. What happens if you dress your dog like a cat?

A. He won't come when you call him. 😜

Construction

Q. What kind of construction are dogs good at?

A. Roofing 😜

Diagnosis

What’s the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?

Roverdose.  😜

Mummies

Q. Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?

A. They’re afraid to relax and unwind!  😜

Vacation

Q: Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?

A: They would get called for traveling!  😜

Detail

Q. What is the most detail-oriented ocean?

A. The Pacific 😜

Ice Cream

Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?  

In case there's a chance of sprinkles. 😜

Socrates

Who was Socrates’ worst student? Mediocrities. Who was his busiest student? The one with a lot on his Plato 😜

Elephants

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?

They kept dropping their trunks. 😜

Physical Therapist

I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places. 😜

Camping

When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents 😜

Dog

If you cannot find your dog, open the fridge door.

He’s standing right behind you. 😜

Snack Time

Q. What does an invisible man drink at snack time?

A. Evaporated milk  😜

Exercise

What kind of exercise do lots of people do?

Diddly-squats.  😜

Alphabet

In the beginning, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Nobody knew why.  😜

Pig

What did the pig say on a hot summer's day?

I'm bacon! 😜

Duck

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: "Duck, eggs."
I thought: "That's an unnecessary comma- then it hit me. 😜

America

Why are there not any knock-knock jokes about America? Because freedom rings. 😜

Reading

Reading while you sunbathe makes you well red. 😜

Nap

Q. Why do Dachshunds always nap in the shade?

A. Because they don’t like being hot dogs. 😜

Bear

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-dah 😜