Exercise

 Q: How do men exercise at the beach?

A: By sucking in their stomach every time they see a bikini. 😝

Pizza

 Q. What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?

A. Jesus can’t be topped. 😊

Sun

 I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me. 😜

Beer

 Q. Does beer make you smarter? 

A. No, but it made Budweiser. 😜

Underwear

 Q: What kind of underwear do reporters wear?

A: News briefs.  😜

Fire

 Q. What do you get if your car is on fire?

A. Hot wheels!  😜

Grandma

Q. What do you call having Grandma on speed dial?

A. Instagram 😜

Factory

 Q. What do you do if you get rejected from a job at a sun cream factory? 

A. Re-apply! 😜

Comedian

 Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

Samson — he brought the house down  😜

Cantaloupe

 What do you call a cantaloupe in a kiddie pool?

A watermelon. 😜

Definition

 The definition of a perfectionist: someone who wants to go from point A to point A+. 😜

Bottles

 Teacher: "If you have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other what do you have?"

Student: "A drinking problem!" 😜

Tweet

 Tweet others the way you would like to be Tweeted. 😜

Book

 Teacher: "What book has helped you the most in your life?"

Student: "My parent's checkbook." 😜

Business-Savvy

 Who was a business-savvy woman in the Bible?

Pharaoh’s daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile and pulled out a little prophet.

Pickle

 How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience.  😜

Baseball Game

 Why is a baseball game a good place to go on a hot day?

 Because there are lots of fans. 😜

Fish

 Q. What do you call a fish with two knees? 

A. A two-knee fish! 😜

Invisible Man

 Q.Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? 

A. He couldn't see himself doing it! 😜

Stairs

 Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.  😜

Moses

 Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?

To get to the other side. 😜

Puns

 I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win.

No pun in ten did. 😜

Race

Q.  What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?

A. Sherbet  😜

Shortest Wills

One of the shortest wills ever written: “Being of sound mind, I spent all the money.” 😜 

Droid

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour. 😜

Taxi

Why did the taxi driver get fired? 

Passengers didn't like it when she went the extra mile. 😜

Park

I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog. 😃

Cop

A cop pulls a guy over. "Your eyes look red have you been drinking?" Geez officer."Your eyes look glazed have you been eating donuts? 😜