Eyebrows

 I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows too high.  She looked surprised! 😉

Happiness

 Money can't buy you happiness. Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal!  😂 

Boxer

Boxer: "Have I done him any damage?" "No, but keep on swinging the draft might give him a cold."

Will

 Where there's a will, there's a relative. 😊

Tax Bill

 I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.  I tried, but they wanted cash. 😃

Why?

 Why do noses run but feet smell?  Hum? Good Question.  😃

Moses

 Don't let worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. 😉

Borrow

 Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back 😂

Termite

 A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" 😁

Recipes

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well that's not going to happen." 😂

Cop

Things not to say to a cop.

You're not going to check the trunk, are you?  😂

Old

How do you know you're old?

When people call at 10 p.m. and ask, "Are you still up?" 😂

Succeed

 If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 😂 

Fruit

Remember, it wasn't the fruit on the tree that caused all that trouble in the Garden of Eden. It was the pair on the ground. 😄

Cheesy

Q. What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?

A. The muenster mash 😂

Who's There

Who's there?

A little old lady.

A little old lady who?

I had no idea you could yodel. 😃

Levels

We should think of age as 'levels', so when you're level 80 it sounds cooler than just being an old person. 😂

Donuts

I was on a diet but I donut care anymore.

Warning: Donuts make your clothes shrink. 😂

Calendar

 I just bought a calendar!

My days are numbered now.  😆

Antenna

Q. What do you get if you cross a dog and an antenna?

A. A Golden Receiver 😄

Creative Mathematics

 As a graduate of  the Zsa Zsa Gabor school of Creative Mathematics I honestly do not know how old I am. 😃 ~ Erma Bambeck ~ 

Skin

 Don't think of your skin as saggy. Think of it as relaxed-fit. 😆

Clothing Line

 I can't understand by women are okay with JC Penny's older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor." 😂

Good Old Days

A man asked his 91 year old father, "Dad, what were your good old days"  His thoughtful reply: "When I wasn't good and I wasn't old." 😂

Smaller

Q. What becomes smaller when you turn it upside down?

A. The number 9. 😉

Cars

 Q. What would a country be called if everyone lived in their cars?

A. An in-car-nation.  😃

Andy

Teacher: "What is God's name?" 

Student: "Andy"

Teacher: "Why do you say, Andy?"

Student: "Because in church we sing, "Andy walks with me. Andy talks to me." 😁

Race

 Q. What did 2 say to 4 after 2 beat him in a race?

A. 2 fast 4 you. 😃

Modern Days

Ah, the modern days. I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone cross the street. 😃

So What

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means, it's not the end of the world. 😂